Saturday, August 14, 2010

.....and then I had to cut his underwear off.

Several months ago we made the easy decision that two kids were enough for us. We are two and through. If you were to visit our house for dinner any night of the week you'd understand (and then go screaming into the night). One kid will be kicking the table while trying to drown his broccoli in milk while the other is screaming nonstop flinging rice in all directions. I feel mentally and physically beat up at the end of the day. We are SO done with kids. The decision to make that permanent was made and yesterday was Sean's big day. This wasn't a hard choice, in fact Sean's been pleading to go get a vasectomy since before Wesley was born. I made him wait until after the second kid was here.

***I must warn you that if you are on the fence about getting a vasectomy then you should stop here and read no further. Seriously. Don't say I didn't warn you.***

The day started out normal. Sean's appointment was for 12:30 so around 11:30 he took the recommended Valium. This is given to help sooth the nerves associated with this procedure. I guess they get a lot of anxious men in that clinic. Imagine that. We dropped Wesley off at my Mom's house and took Greta with us. Sean was pretty relaxed and calm for the trip, I'm thinking it was the Valium.

The procedure went smoothly. He had another nurse sit in due to the fact that this doctor is one of the first in our area to use the "no needle" vasectomy. This is where an air gun is used to numb the area with a local anesthetic before the incision is made. Sean said it didn't hurt at all. The nurse that sat in for the procedure actually said "Wow, he didn't even jump!" I guess these poor guys usually jump when the needle goes in (again, imagine that!). All in all that part went well.

I was waiting in the lobby with Greta when he tenderly walked out of the room. We all loaded in the van and off we went to fill a prescription for pain meds. About two miles away from the clinic he said he didn't feel right and the next thing I know he's unconscious. His head in hanging down, his pupils are big and dilated and he's making this raspy gurgly noise. It was the scariest thing ever. Ranks up there with running down a mountain in a lightning, sleeting, hail storm (my family knows what I'm talking about). I start freaking out and yelling at him and beating him on the chest. I grabbed my cell phone and called 911 while pulling into the nearest parking lot. I thought he died. Seriously. It's funny what runs through your head in situations like this. I kept thinking "there is no way the cause of death on my husband is going to say: Vasectomy." I ran around the van to his side of the car and kept yelling at him all the while telling the 911 operator where I was. A nice older lady must have saw me wildly waving my hands and acting hysterical and came over to help. Luckily Sean came to about that time. He didn't have a clue as to why I was yelling at him. If it wasn't so scary it would have been funny.

A few minutes later the fire truck showed up (guess this is normal) and several firemen came to help. They asked what was wrong and I told them he passed out after his vasectomy and the guy actually laughed. Out loud. He said this was pretty normal, even a few guys at the station had passed out after their procedures. Who knew? The ambulance showed up and the medics checked Sean out. His blood pressure was low (80/50). They think that would have done it. The dilated pupils were most likely due to the Valium. They were afraid he might pass out again so they decided to take him to the ER for observation. Much to Sean's humiliation they brought the gurney over to the van and strapped him in since they weren't sure how stable he was on his feet. Poor guy.

Greta and I stopped to buy some formula since I know how long ER visits can take. We then drove to the hospital except it wasn't where I thought it was, I went north when I should have gone south and ended up driving about half an hour out of my way. We did finally make it to the hospital and found Sean's room. He looked a lot better and had an IV going to get fluids in him. His blood pressure was back up where it should be and after three hours we got to go home.

He's sure happy that day is over with, to say the least. He actually said he'd do it over again, just to know that there will be no more babies. That's how done we are. Oh and on a side note, the doctor told Sean not to get the incision wet for several days. The glue they used to close it needs to stay dry. Well, right now it's been 105 degrees outside for at least two weeks. You combine that with what happened to poor Sean and the result is a "sweaty situation". So (if you haven't figured out where I'm going with this yet) his incision got wet. The glue adhered to his underwear. Yep. I mean, really, this is just the cherry on top of an all around wonderful day for Sean. We put a call into the doctors office to see what to do about this situation and the doc said to just slowly peel the undies off of the incision. I think any man reading this just crossed his legs. We decided to just cut the underwear off, leaving a quarter sized piece of fabric where needed. Yesterday was a day full of firsts for Sean and I: first time to see someone go unconscious, first call to 911, first time visiting the ER, first time traveling in an ambulance and first time cutting someone's underwear off of them.

Sean and I are both glad that day is over.


The Little Monkeys said...

seriously...the disclaimer should read: "NO VASECTOMIES ON FRIDAY THE 13TH". lol

Granny Randi said...

I haven't stop laughing since I talked to Sean on Saturday! I know it was scary for you at the time, but you have to admit, it's a great story! Glad everyone is OK. Love you all. MOM